Tell You
by J. Renee Worsing
Summary: "I have to tell you how much I..." [ CxA; yaoi; throw-away-OC ]
1. Tell You

**warnings - drama, violence, angst, and a lot of sexy space gayness.**

 _a/n: this story is being uploaded in its entirety without any changes made from the original text. it was written before the end of the first chapter of Starfighter, and any inconsistencies in characters / plot to the actual comic can be attributed to this fact. if there are any glaring errors that I have overlooked, please feel free to message me, and I will consider making edits. thank you for reading, and enjoy!_

Starfighter Comic & Characters (c) M. Palumbo "HamletMachine" / Nightmareland Press. I claim no ownership and make no monetary gain from the posting of this story.

* * *

As my eyes staggered open, my memory was a blur. What'd just happened? Why did my heart feel heavy?

Sounds came through as if wads of cotton were stuffed in my ears. I squinted; everything was lit up with a harsh, yellow glow, hot like fire. From what I could see - which wasn't much, lying on my back - the tattered tops of tall buildings shuddered as a rumble broke the air.

That's right, the war... I was in a war. It was important that I was here. For some reason, my navigational skills were required, even out of the spacecraft.

I just couldn't remember.

Slowly, I realized that I was in pain. A lot of pain. Pain I never new existed and that choked my breath away. My lungs seized up as my chest heaved against a sob; an unimaginable torture.

 _Oh god..._

Fingers gripped my own. An arm brought me upright; agony shot down my spine at a gentle touch to my head. The cry in my throat cracked and died while my vision swam black, and then I could see.

Then I could see him.

He was a sweaty, scuffed image of relentless will, bruise-tinted hair slicked in more directions than usual. On his face, was my favorite expression. Floating on the surface was a mask of intense anger - as solid as ice, yet as transparent as air. While it'd taken a long time to see it for what it really was, I could now clearly witness a relieved, horrified concern, shaking just within his gaze.

Today, it brought me to tears.

With great effort, I lifted my free hand and, quivering, pressed it to his cheek. I felt his jaw tighten; he squeezed my other wrist, subtly caressing the back of it with his thumb. He wanted to move - I could feel the anxious beat of his heart against my shoulder, and the twitch of his legs under mine.

But he didn't, at first. Perhaps he could see why my gut was screaming with an empty sting. Or knew why I couldn't curl my toes. Maybe he'd found where my skull was split.

Adrenaline abruptly spiked my veins. I began to gasp for air. Tangling my hand against his scalp, I clung to him in reckless desperation.

 _I can't die,_ I remember stating clear in my mind. _I can't die, I don't want to die, please, please don't - don't let me go..._

I croaked out; "I can't..."

His teeth flashed white in a silent snarl. I was drawn in closer; he barked at me to shut the hell up - but it wavered at the end. By the time I finally stilled, and found my face flush to his, the panic in my heart faded away.

There was a new look in his stare, and arm holding me trembled just the faintest.

 _...Don't.._

A wetness glistened against his temple, near the short lashes of his eyes.

 _Please-_

"Stay with me."

There are no words for what his voice was right then. If it'd been a different person, there were so many possibilities: sadness, rage, grief, irritation, devastation, indifference, maybe even a hopeful resignation. Not from him, though. Spoken from his lips, it became something completely new.

Somehow it gave me hope.

Consciousness drained out my body as he stood. The world swayed in dizzying arcs around us. My eyes slipped shut.

And it struck me then - in the blissful numb of unnatural sleep - of how safe he made me feel. Even if he acted a brutish fiend on the outside, he always treated me with care. He could be selfishly possessive, and a right-damn-bastard at times, but never cruel; despite any of my accusations to the contrary.

No... while calloused, this man had a truly, deeply, passionate heart.

All I could do then was trust him. Trust him to save me. Trust him to never stop going.

 _Because I have to tell you how much I..._


	2. Honest

I didn't stay by his side the whole time. I wasn't some love-sick little puppy; there was no way in hell I'd hover around his bed for days on end. There was a battle to be fought, with or without his help.

But... I guess, if I'm going to be honest here...

 _I was worried._

While he was naturally as pale as a baby's ass, this was different. His skin was translucent; it enhanced the welt on his face, making it look infected - red and yellow and purple mashed together in an obscene display. The gauze on his body stained faster than I liked it to.

 _And he wouldn't wake up._

It'd been three weeks, and he wouldn't wake up.

Again, if I'm going to be honest, I was more content to be pissed than ask why. Obviously, there was a reason for it. Yet... a part of me was... anxious. Because I knew, that if they told me he wasn't fighting against his pain, and that he was in a coma, and that it'd be years before he actually came back...

 _I'd walk away._

They tried to assign me another navigator after the fifth week. I told them to screw off. When one of the old bastards gave me a sappy, 'you care about him' look, I set the record straight.

"I only work with the best. He is the best. Don't try to pass off these idiots as being on the same level."

Which in itself was true. His talent as a navigator was plain as day, and his sharp reflexes - they rivaled my own - had gotten us out of a shit-load of trouble plenty of times. I'd seen these other morons in action; they didn't even remotely compare.

When I reached his door, though, I was plagued with unexpected guilt.

 _Grasping at me frantically, eyes wide, frightened, body bloodied and broken -"I can't..." - Fuck that; yes you can, you can make it, don't you dare tell me that you can't - "Stay with me." - eyes drifting closed, grip slacking, heart fading - run, faster, come on..._

My hand fell away from the door panel, and I kept walking.

Two months went by.

Nothing changed.

The war was coming to an end. Threatened with expulsion, I irritatedly gave into being fleeced some greenhorn navigator; I was told to call him 'Judas'. He was some scrawny kid with bright red hair and a mouth that wouldn't shut the hell up. Whenever we were in the same room, he'd start squawking like a parrot - god it gave me a headache.

Half a year.

Judas was an ever-present pain in the ass, constantly clinging after me. Trying to get to the hospital ward was like trying to walk on water. I didn't want the brat to know what I was doing; my pride couldn't stand the idea of being labeled an emotional pansy.

So I told myself that I didn't need to visit. Being there wasn't going to make him open his eyes any faster. His life was in his own hands this time.

 _I felt so helpless it made me sick._

We finally moved back to the space station.

Fighter missions happened like clockwork - many teams went down, out of practice from our long stay on terra firma. At least Judas was silent when we took to the stars. Yet, while his skills were acceptable, he was a wet match next to the fire I'd grown used to.

It didn't leave me with much space to think, but that was fine.

Because I remembered him the most when I slept.

 _Smooth, supple skin burning hot against my palms. Fingernails dug into my shoulder, and he threw back his head on a breathless gasp. My pulse throbbed deep inside of his; my hips slammed into the firm flesh of his thighs; my tongue slid slow against the long expanse of his neck. It was me he screamed for - when we shattered the limits of passion and lust and pleasure all in a violent moment of ecstasy._

"Ow-!"

I glanced towards the bathroom, mildly curious. Judas came scurrying out, one hand pressed to his mouth, the other flailing around as he fumbled for something under his bed. My eyebrow rose as he popped open a first-aid kit.

"The hell you do to yourself now," I drawled.

"Nnhh, I cut myself..." he whined. "I hate shaving."

"...You don't have anything to shave, brat."

"Uweh, I'm dripping on the carpet.."

Standing, I strode over lazily to grasp at his chin. His fingers dropped down from his face; damn, he'd got himself good. Deep over both lips.

"You-"

The hallway door hissed open.

My head snapped around.

And I stared.


	3. Silence

Light burned its way into my eyes as they opened.

Sore and abused, every part of me ached. There was a soft voice calling out to me. I tried to squint, my heart fluttering.

 _Is that..._

Fatigued confusion snapped taught with adrenaline as a long tube was slid out of the depths of my throat. I coughed, then groaned, muscles jostling painfully. A warm, firm hand rested along my shoulder.

"How are you feeling?"

The murmur first echoed meaningless in my ringing ears; it didn't belong to whom I'd thought. And I felt like shit, thank you very much. When I could finally manage to focus my vision, a foreign face and a white lab coat greeted me.

Justin was his name - he introduced himself as one of the starbase's medical assistants. For a few clinical minutes, he asked me to try moving various parts of my anatomy, tapping here and there, checking over my vitals with thorough precision. I was in a daze through most of it.

He excused himself a moment, saying something that I didn't quite catch, but didn't care to have him repeat. Right now, I just wanted to think. I wanted to know how I'd gone from...

Sour threads of anxiety twisted up inside my core.

That's right. I'd gotten hurt; the last thing I could recall was being lifted into strong arms, my nerves awash with hot needles. I shivered thinly.

Then, suddenly, only one thought occupied my mind:

 _Where is he?_

Justin had returned; relief encased me in the form of morphine. But that one steady question was not erased. Nor did I want it to be.

 _Why isn't he here?_

Over the next half-hour, Justin filled in the white static clouding my memory. The war was now in our favor - "Much of it due to your research," he commented - and reaching its end. I had been moved back to starbase only a few days prior.

Shocked nervousness prodded me to hear that I'd been asleep for nearly three months straight. He assured me that it was alright; my extended rest had given my flesh wounds plenty of time to heal, at least to a point where they wouldn't re-open themselves, and I showed no signs of there having been any lack of oxygen to my brain.

Gently, though, Justin concluded; "You have suffered some permanent damage to your spinal cord. With therapy, the effects can be lessened, but your legs will never be what they used to be."

I was fairly rendered speechless.

Millions of new, sharp concerns sprung up from the shadows. What exactly would they be then? Would I need crutches? A brace? God forbid a wheelchair? What doom did that spell for my life as a navigator? Was I ever going to go back?

Justin was looking at me somewhat expectantly; I belatedly realized that he'd asked if I needed anything.

My lips pressed closed then parted, mouthing the first word as the second halted behind my teeth. I couldn't blink. I had almost said 'my partner'.

 _I need my..._

"...Have you seen Cain?"

There was something in Justin's resulting expression that I didn't like. I didn't like it at all. A trembling in my breath made my heartstrings creak-

"No, not for a while now."

-and then snap.

 _"Don't think I won't leave you behind."_

"..Oh."

Silence.

Physical therapy slowly saw me back on my feet. The pain I endured to regain my strength was a fitting price. Every step I had to force; every stair I had to conquer; every hall that I tread - piece by piece, I rebuilt my fallen determination.

However...

An angry lust began to overpower my judgment. During my resting periods, it took only the barest of touches to ignite the restless incubus skilled hands had once before drawn out. Tears of unsatisfied fulfillment coursed rivers down my cheeks after each time I finished, and my shame forever threatened to drown me.

I wanted him.

I wanted him so bad.

So bad to a point where I knew it was wrong - I knew he was never coming back - he hadn't meant it - any of it - I was just a thing to him - a weak and stupid thing - broken I was worth nothing to him - yet I wanted _his_ hands - _his_ tongue - _his_ pulsing desire buried fast within me - even if I was just a toy - even if he didn't care - even if he hurt me - please - oh god please - I can't live like this...

 _"I can't..."_

Two months later, I was deemed suitable for discharge from the medical ward. Justin placed a thin metal cane in my hands. He instructed me to use it during the morning hours, for extra support as my body sorted itself out. Don't push yourself, he told me. Take it slow.

"And you've been given your own quarters."

A flat plastic square was passed to me. It was a door key.

I stared down as he presented me with an official report, addressed to my name. 'Honored' and 'reward' and 'deserving' jumped off the page. I was praised as a top-class navigator - a war hero - and central command was going to treat me as such.

Blank.

I made the trek to my new home.

People nodded their heads to me as they passed.

The cane beat light against my thigh.

It wasn't until I stepped into the room, lush with the comforts that a high-level officer would normally demand, did it register.

Something burned. My mouth; I glanced at a mirror adorning one wall. Blood spilled against my chin.

I'd torn open the scar.

Quivering eyebrows turned to heavy breathing. A lump in my throat grew larger and larger until it cracked, and poured out a storm of uncontrollable sobbing. All of it left me; the grief I'd held back for so long finally burst free. Lying limp along the lavish expanse of the bed, exhaustion drugged me into the warmth of a dreamless slumber.

Another month trickled away. Most of it I spent simply walking the starbase's long corridors. I was called upon, now and again, but it was always something trite. They were trying to let me be; I knew.

But one evening, I slipped up.

 _Just a look..._

The button gave way under my finger and the door rolled open.

He stared at me.

I froze.

Someone I didn't recognize peered owlishly at me by his feet.

There was red on the boy's face and it stole my attention.

Part of me shriveled-

 _"Everyone will know you belong to me now."_

-and died.

But another part, worn solid and unaffected, took in the gaze that was riveted upon me.

It wasn't disgust. It wasn't repulsion. It wasn't the cool, frosted steel I expected. Far, far from it - he looked like he'd been pole axed, eyes fixed to my own, wide and stunned and disbelieving.

His back straightened very carefully, and he turned towards me. Then he began to advance. I swore that my heart stopped.

A startled cry of alarm brought me out of my shock. The boy was fussing around the figure on the floor that was struggling to sit up. My palms throbbed.

Wait.

Now I was the one staring.

I'd clocked him across the jaw with my cane. His lip was split wide open; a bruise already formed on his cheek, darker than his hair. He wore the same expression as before, only he didn't meet my own this time.

Pain sliced up my legs and I found myself sprinting.


	4. How Long

I don't even want to talk about how the little shit landed a hit on me.

I'd never wanted to kill him half as much as I did right then, though. The hell was that for?! He was the one who barged into my room.

 _You're alright.._

When I tore off after him - Judas, an inconsequential object easily swept aside - he was already ducking into the elevator. Or, well, it was more he fell into the elevator. His foot was in the way of the doors; I lunged just as he pulled it back and they went to close.

At the last second, I was able to thrust out my arm through gap. The elevator made a buzzing noise and quickly parted the doors again. There was a growl forming in my throat as I stepped in to loom over him.

...But I couldn't hold onto my rage at the sight.

Shivering, tense, back arched away from the elevator wall, his face was contorted into the most horrific expression of pain I'd ever seen. I knelt beside him, trying to ignore how my stomach tightened. My fingers caught his.

"Breathe."

His chest didn't move.

"Breathe!"

This time he obeyed. In went a gasp, and out flew a scream. I'll admit that it startled me; I was momentarily thankful that we were alone.

He turned into a writhing mess, slumping over and scrabbling at his back with his nails. I still had his right hand captured, and I used it to pull him upright. Another cry of torture shook the elevator.

 _My god, what did you do?_

It was then that I finally noticed him clutching something; a cane. That was what he must have smacked me with. I supposed it was a fitting irony.

With more caution than I care to go into, I gingerly lifted him into my arms. A choked whimper left his mouth; his face was awash with tears. The elevator came to a stop. I blinked rather stupidly as the doors revealed the crew-deck of the starbase - you had to have clearance to even press the button for this floor.

How in the...

There was a sinking feeling pooling in the bottom of my lungs. I glanced; on the floor of the elevator was a thin, white rectangle, with black laser-lettering of 'F.L. Abel' etched into the side facing us. I shifted him slightly to bend and retrieve it.

First lieutenant. My mind went quiet. He was a first lieutenant.

You did not wake up as a first lieutenant. Maybe a second lieutenant; or the unrecognized errand boy who gets coffee for everyone. Hell, there was a greater chance of you surviving out in space buck-naked than earning a rank of first lieutenant for sleeping for six months.

I looked down at him with new eyes.

 _...just how long have you.._

On the back of the card was the number '13'. Raising an eyebrow at the '30' above the door in front of me, I followed the hallway. The weight in my grasp flinched with each step.

Sure enough, passing the swipe card through the lock of room thirteen made it open.

That sinking feeling dropped into an abyss.

Truth be told, I wasn't sure what to think - about any of this. No grand epiphanies were forming as I lowered him onto the bed, prying the offending metal stick from his grip and tossing it away. He settled some, eyebrows growing less pinched and lips relaxing softly. I pressed one knee on the mattress, sitting on my leg.

"..When did you wake up?"

His features morphed into a dull anger; "Like you give a damn," he forced, voice strained.

The accusation made my temper flare. "I wouldn't fucking ask if I didn't want to know, moron."

"Get out."

"Tell me when you woke up, asshole."

I actually regretted saying that, when his eyes snapped open to bore into me. There was a deadly mix of emotion in them - betrayal, sorrow, murderous intent, and a touch of passion. They blazed. He began yelling in my face.

"You'd fucking know when I 'woke up' if you'd fucking been there! I meant nothingto you! If I'd died or if I lived, it was all the same to your fucked-up little game! A bitch you could trash whenever you felt like it! Get the fuck out, you bastard!"

"Shut-"

" _I hate you!_ "


	5. Determination

He didn't say anything.

For a full ten seconds, he didn't say anything at all. Distaste was a painted mask of false expression; his eyes held the truth. Taut with a stare of subdued offense, they began to lose their shine.

And it was slowly terrifying me. The small pause made the room feel electrified, dark and imposing. I was waiting for it to swallow me up.

 _No I didn't mean that that wasn't what I wanted to..._

But I underestimated him.

His hand abruptly darted out to grip my chin and squeeze it hard, bordering on hurt. Yet, his gaze had changed. Though he appeared like wolf - barring his teeth, nails pricking my skin - I did not see rejection reflecting back.

It was determination.

"You can hate me all the fuck you want," he said, voice a clipped bark. "But you are going to _tell me_ , when the _fuck_ you woke up. Because it sure as shit wasn't today, or yesterday, or even last week. And I want to know, who the _fuck_ I get to _rip apart_ , for not _fucking_ telling me, that _my_ navigator was alive."

...They were words that I hadn't ever dreamed could come out of his mouth.

 _His navigator..._

My chin was throbbing, but I didn't want him to let go - and he didn't. He held me there, brow knit in a scowl, demanding me an answer. As my resistance drained away, I felt more accursed tears turn my eyelashes damp.

"Three months," I croaked.

I watched as every muscle in his body drew up and tensed. There were surely going to be wounds on my chin from the pressure in his grasp. His face was a swirl of shock, blood-thirst, and..

 _..Guilt..?_

No, that couldn't be what that was. Not from him... he never took the blame for anything. Why should he be...

"Why didn't you come and find me?" he snapped, but it was without any venom this time.

For whatever reason, he wasn't actually blaming me.

Then I saw it - as only I could see it.

He was losing some sort of internal struggle; his jaw shifted restlessly. The fingers on my face were subtly flexing back and forth, while his shoulders strained in an effort to hide his agitated breathing. His hate was an introverted one.

The person he wanted to rip apart, was himself.

Something within me broke, and I whimpered, unable to control it. I'd forgotten that - deep down inside - I really did need him. Running away had only drawn me closer.

 _Why didn't I come and find you?_ _Because..._

"I didn't think you wanted me to."

I closed my eyes..

A solid, slow-descending weight trapped me comfortably against the mattress. I winced when I was rolled over, and blinked when I stopped on top of something warm. Chancing an upwards glance, he was sitting back on the headboard of the bed, I now gathered in his lap, as he looked down at me.

His thumb smoothed against my scar.

"I told you, didn't I?" he said, eyes flickering with intent. "You belong to me."

Silver ripples of forbidden pleasure arced down my spine like a healing balm.

When he molded his touch to the rise of my cheek, I leaned into him. I won't lie and say that I was not still bothered by all that had taken place; the sting of being alone for so long, and my battered pride for accepting him back so soon, made it abundantly clear that I'd have other problems along the way. This wouldn't be over in one night.

Right then, though...

 _It can wait._

Tilting, my neck brought up my head, and with a rose-petal lightness, my lips found his.

Certainly didn't last long; he instantly plundered the cavern of my mouth with an eager tongue, stroking my own into a lewd tangle. I moaned, hot and anxious, not having expected that even though in hindsight I should have. My fingers wound themselves in the spikes of his hair while his traced greedy patterns all over me.

Knives twisted into my back and I jerked hard, ripping my head away to exclaim in agony.

"Shit- easy, calm down," I heard him order over the pounding in my head. He eased me back onto the bed, and the pain lessened. Shuddering on a breath, I came back to my senses and felt his arms around me.

"Do you have meds or something to make you stop whining?" I felt him say more than heard.

Internally, I smiled. Whining; he'd made me do more than 'whine' in bed before and it hadn't stopped him then. No, he knew that I was in real pain - the bastard was being sly about it.

 _He really does care.._

I pressed into him softly. "Cain..."

Red-alert sirens wailed to life.


	6. Death-Mission

_Damn it all to hell._

A curt knock sounded through the door. "Lieutenant Abel, sir?"

He shot me a nervous look. I cocked an eyebrow. It hadn't crossed my mind that I shouldn't be in his room.

And in there, hatched an idea.

"Ye-ES!?"

I smirked against his ear.

"...Sir? Are you alright?"

His shoulders quivered when I rolled my hand along his crotch again.

"Well? Answer him," I purred. I loved watching how it made him squirm and flush. He was too damn delicious for his own good.

"I-I.. I'm fine... -nn.. What is it?"

Rearranging him to recline in my lap, I lazily explored his body for the hem of his pants, giving him a squeeze. The low moan that crept out from his throat sent my nerves tingling in a fiendish delight. He wasn't trying to get away at all.

 _Oh this is fun._

"...I'm here to escort you to the meeting, sir. You may have gathered from the alarms that it's urgent."

"O-... Ohh.. O-Okay... um.. mmh..."

"Sir..?"

I had him arching and shuddering in my grasp. Seemed he was over his back pain, now. But, as I leisurely stroked his hot skin into a fevered hardness, 'meeting' caught my attention.

"Tell him you're fine by yourself," I ordered lowly.

"Cain," he breathed, face tossed back into my shoulder.

"Go on." My tongue found purchase on his bottom lip.

The person outside sounded fidgety. "Lieutenant, sir?"

 _Good._

His sentence sped on by. "It's alright I can make it on my own... nnnn.."

He wasn't questioned. "Very well, sir."

Hips bucked achingly against my touch. God I was tempted, but it'd have to wait. I removed my fingers languidly; it earned me a lusty glare.

I grinned - after what felt like way too long.

 _So easy._

"Let's go to that meeting, then, hm?" I leered.

He shoved at me, fixing up his clothes with shaky movements. "Jerk."

"When we get back, sweet-cheeks."

Face darkening, he looked around - for that _other_ cane, probably - before something clicked. There was a confused cautiousness in his glance. At least I was prepared when he finally picked up on the obvious.

"'Us'? 'We'?"

"That's what I said."

His wary tone morphed into stubbornness. "You aren't coming with me."

"Like hell I'm not," I asserted. "I wanna know why starfighter missions are happening so fucking often. This is my chance."

It'd really gone far enough. Even though flying through space and blowing things up were every guy's dream, there'd been too many close-calls for me to enjoy it now. Half-knowing you were going to survive was one thing; seeing your life flash before your eyes was another.

Now he was all irritation. "No."

"You can't even stand up," I snorted.

He opened his mouth - and I slung him across my shoulder.

"O-Ow... Cain!"

I parroted back my favorite phrase: "Relax, princess."

An interesting lack of further complaint followed - I didn't feel like analyzing why. All I really knew was that a perfect shiver skittered down his legs every time my hand rubbed his ass. I was kept fairly entertained while using his swipe-card to access the main deck of the starbase.

Placing him back on his feet while still in the elevator, I took hold of his forearm and helped him out when we arrived. I spared a short moment to again realize how fragile this man really was. With his head-strong attitude, it was simple to forget - but as he leaned into me heavily, relying on my support to even move, I was sharply reminded.

 _You really did come close to dying.._

We were met with the perplexed stares of seven other people. They were all standing around a large hologram table, diagrams and charts mixed together. One I recognized as the old goat who had... well, frankly seen through my act of indifference.

I ignored the smug twinkle in his eye.

"Lieutenant Abel, glad you could join us," said the tall, lumbering man at the head of the table; the Commander and Chief of the starbase.

"Who is this?" snapped the midget to his right - I knew that bastard. He'd come waltzing onto the fighter deck just to cuss us out on a daily basis. I stood straight and gave him a hard look.

"Task name 'Cain'. I was assisting Lieutenant Abel." Commander Ass-Wipe scowled at my lack of honor.

The man closest to the door - a short thing with bright eyes - paled. I cast him a subtle, amused smirk. Must have been the voice from earlier; he knew exactly what I meant.

"Thank you, then, Cain," our Chief replied. "You are dismissed."

 _I don't think so._

"I request permission to stay, sir."

"On what grounds, Private Cain?" barked the midget.

"The men and I deserve an explanation for these asinine death-missions, wouldn't you say?"

"Cain!" Abel snapped quietly. The midget had an expression of being kicked in the nuts. I waited for our Chief; who, like any real leader, was thoughtfully considering my question.

After a long moment, he finally gave a nod. "Very well, Cain."

My victory was not long-lived.

"We received reports from a neighboring starbase about four hours prior," our Chief began. "What they described was... disturbing. A fleet of the size of a small planet was in the process of tearing the base to pieces. As of an hour ago, we lost communications. However, due to the constant stream of attack laid upon us recently, we have reason to suspect that their enemy has turned its sights on us."

 _...Well, fuck._

At my side, Abel was a rigid plank of disbelief. The others in the room had grown quite sober. Personally, I was right fuming; if they thought this starbase was going to be just as pathetic, they had another thing coming.

"As such," he continued. "Lieutenant Abel," - he lifted his gaze - "I entrust you to gather the troops and inform them of the disaster we wish to avoid."

Our Chief wasn't finished. "Second Lieutenant David and Lieutenant Joseph, you are to put the trainees into teams and prepare them for battle."

Even I blinked in surprise.

"W-With all due respect, sir," Abel stuttered, incredulous. "The trainees are not-"

"We need everyone we can to get into a fighter, Lieutenant Abel," he interrupted grimly. "I am not disillusioned to the sacrifice this will turn out to be. But it must be done."

For a moment, the floor was the most amazing thing in the room.

"Then I will fight, as well."

 _What?_

I gave his elbow a warning tug. Shrugging me off, he straightened up and narrowed his gaze. The little bastard was serious.

"That's preposterous," the annoying midget scoffed. "With your injuries there is no way you can pilot a starfighter."

"My instincts are still intact, as are my arms," he protested soundly. "If everyone is needed, then I'm not excluded."

Before anyone else could speak, the smug-bat from before piped up. "And who will be your fighter, Lieutenant Abel?"

Without a pause, he turned softly.

"Him."


	7. Endless

I looked at Cain.

And I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

The arguing in the room faded to a muted echo.

My heart hammered in my throat.

Horrific images of the war sprang to life inside my mind. Blood, fear, excruciating pain; the lingering haunt of the endless void just around the corner. It made my hands shake, and my wounds twinge.

But this was different. Much different. We had no place to run.

 _...We're going to die._

Yet, it was obvious that he didn't fully understand. Life - as I thought it meant to him - was an endless thing, death only an extension. There would be nothing that he'd regret - nothing he'd take with him to his grave to toss and turn over.

He'd give it his all, and if his all wasn't enough, then he'd accept the inevitable.

In that moment-

 _I wish I were like you.._

His hand gripped my arm again; something I hadn't seen before prickled his features. Only for a second, though, as steel slid back into place - I distantly remember someone asking a question - and he leveled a firm stare on our surrounding company. All of the shouting stopped.

The ring of his voice brought me back to the present.

"I'm fighting with him."

Commander Thomas spoke, his expression a gentle one; "Do you not already have a navigator?"

Memory of the boy I'd noticed earlier flashed through my head, and I hesitated. The wound on his lip... Before I could follow the thought any further, he was speaking.

"That brat is a replacement that _you_ slapped me with," he all but seethed. " _My_ navigatoris **here**. Send Judas to someone else."

Hot sparks of shocked excitement jolted my nerves. Did he just literally _claim_ me? In front of everyone?

"..So be it, then."

I glanced back; our Commander and Chief was watching us curiously, almost intrigued. Amazingly, no one opened their mouths to go against him. Soft relief doused the panicked burning of my uncertainty.

"He's in your care, now, Cain. Dismissed."

David and Joseph strode from the room first. As he led me out, and we got into the elevator once again, I chanced eye-contact with him. He refused it; face an indifferent painting.

 _What are you thinking..._

Now outside my door, I tried a little more.

"Cain-"

He stepped into me, stretched me against the cool metal, and kissed me roughly. The throb he'd raised in me before lurched back to attention; I couldn't help a moan. Consuming, he ravished my mouth, dominated my tongue, drew hot slick lines along the roof of my pallet. My back arched in a warm swell of rekindled passion.

Firm hot flesh was pulsing hard against my hip, and I gave it a nudge. His fingers tightened on my upheld wrists, and he moved, rewarding me with a sensuous molding of our bodies. I could feel all of him - from the sculpted planes of his chest, to his lean muscled stomach, down into the growing heat trapped between us.

I could have cried. It was a dream to experience _my Cain_ again after so long. I'd missed him so fucking much.

 _Make me yours again._

Getting to the bed was a blur of clothes, breath and skin. I thanked whoever was listening that my spine no longer hurt; I wanted to know another sort of ache again. He palmed my rear with clear purpose, rolling our desires together, while his teeth attacked my throat hungrily. Dragging my nails across his shoulders, I felt them quiver and twitch.

The alarms went off again.

We both fell still.

Intense waves of frustration filled the bedroom, and he pried himself away from me.

"Suit up," he murmured above me, before pushing up and getting to his feet, still fully dressed. I heard the hallway door open and then rush closed. Quiet crept in.

Cold.

Worse than that moment I was injured in the war. Worse than the blankness of my coma. Worse that the last three months of solitude.

I was left cold, and alone, and even though I could comprehend why we had to stop...

 _Just one more time.._


	8. Time

I almost considered waiting.

Hell, I wanted to. Molest him in that sexy black leather. He looked down-right sinful in it - such a contrast to his baby skin.

 _Maybe just a little-_

 **RED ALERT**

I winced.

 **MILITARY PERSONEL TO HOLDING DOCK C0103**

 **TRAINEES TO HOLDING DOCK A0087**

 **AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTION UPON ARRIVAL**

 **THIS IS NOT A DRILL**

"Fuck this alarm system." My ears were ringing.

Moving away from the door, I got back in the elevator. You don't need a clearance card to go to a lower floor, thankfully. I turned his over in my hand.

A buzz of frenzied bodies made me squint in annoyance. Everyone in the holding dock was making one hell of a god-awful racket. Most of the seasoned teams stood closer to the ladders, while all the rookies and near-sub-rookies were fumbling around to get ready.

Judas was staring at me. I raised an eyebrow, and I swear the brat turned green.

I had to laugh.

 _Don't think the parrot's gonna bother me anymore._

...But I guess, I was worried.

Not about me. Not about losing. Not about how much time there was left.

Those were all moot points - I am the best; we only lose if we don't fight back; who cares how much time we have. I had no interest in turning soft because of this 'threat'. Wasn't me.

But it was him.

The taste of it had been sour in his mouth. He was in a state of panic - desperation - and while part of me was spurred to fuck it out of him - make him scream and let it go - my stomach churned bitterly. There really isn't much that takes away the loom of an impending death.

 _Not even amazing sex, sad as it is..._

The gathering went quiet as the alarm cut off.

I snorted. "About f-"

"Attention, everyone."

He stood up on a bench, blond hair slicked against his cheeks, breathing heavy. There was no cane in his hand; it came close to surprising me. I hadn't thought he'd go and be and idiot.

Or, well, that much of an idiot.

"My name is Lieutenant Abel.." he went on. "And I'm here to tell you about the... nature, of the battle before us."

His tone faded in and out, unsure and subdued; "...The enemy we now face, will outnumber us ten to one. They have already reduced another starbase to dust. And while we will be prepared.. the odds... are with them."

I rolled my eyes at the resulting murmur of gossip. He cleared his throat slightly, and a hush fell over the group again. There were a lot of people with hopeful looks, gazing at him like he was God.

"..many of you see me as someone with all the answers," he murmured; it was obvious. "All the plans, all the right decisions. For the war six months ago... I did. But I don't, this time. This time.."

I caught his eyes on a glance.

 _Come on, Abel._

They sharpened, and he lifted his head.

"...it's up to _us_. **All** of us. This time, we fight for more than just ourselves. We fight for more than just the next alarm. This time we fight for every man, woman and child living here, our _home_ , our _future_.

"This time.. there is no other order than to _kill every single goddamn bastard_ who thinks they can wipe us out. Who thinks we will just lay down and die, because they have the advantage. _This time_ , we will show them who we are and what we can do. _This_ time... 

"We _will_ win."

Roaring agreements shot through the air, just as the alarms screeched:

 **RED ALERT**

 **SPECIFIED PERSONEL**

 **REPORT TO LAUNCH DOCKS A0087 AND C0103**

 **STANDBY FOR LAUNCH SEQUENCE AND COUNTDOWN**

I pushed against the crowd. He let the others file out before slowly climbing off the bench. I caught his elbow, and I smirked.

"So. I see you still have some fight left in you."

It pleased me to see him smirk - albeit small - in return.

"Think you can keep up?" he rasped.

I growled, tugging him close to snap at his ear. "You bet your ass, princess."

His hand squeezed my shoulder. I let him go. With barely a limp, he stepped to a ladder, and I followed him up.


	9. Overload

_We can do this._

Much of what I remember from the actual launch is a blur. I wasn't showing it, but I hurt like no tomorrow. Being thrown out into space didn't exactly help that fact, even if the adrenaline did come in useful.

But, my god, it was worth it.

This was my element.

The weapon I'd come to understand inside and out.

Most of all, I was with him again - sharing an experience that we only felt when the two of us were working together, in total sync.

For what felt like a lifetime, however, we did nothing but hover close to the starbase. If you strained your eyes, you might have been able to find it. Our own system wasn't enough to see, but central command could.

A cloud.

 **"CC to all ships: anti-matter cannon firing in thirty seconds."**

It was slowly getting bigger as it blew our way.

 **"Twenty."**

My gaze slid towards the roof of the starfighter.

 **"Fifteen."**

I watched some distant point of light fluttering in the blackness.

 **"Ten."**

 _Don't go out._

 **"Five."**

"Abel."

 **"Four."**

I came back to the moment.

 **"Three."**

"Your ass is mine when this is over."

 **"Two."**

An orb of heat drifted through my gut.

I breathed.

 **"One."**

"Deal."

Light burst at the base of the cloud. Time stood still, then a ripple tore through the middle, scattering pieces outwards. Waves of its aftershock convulsed and billowed, painting that lingering 'black star' in a beautiful display.

The damage appeared catastrophic.

Howls of excitement crackled over the intercom.

He and I were silent.

As the core of the formation writhed in destruction, those unaffected were regrouping. Their rate of approach tripled. I swung the ship around to face them, hit the thrusters, and gripped the navigation hub.

 _Here we go._

I dipped down and circled up. He disintegrated the two targets that'd been coming right at us. Completing the loop, I barely had to think about dodging; he was as quick and amazing as ever.

With a tap and a spin, we broke out of the fray to slip back in.

At that instant, the size of this new enemy was clear, more than before..

They spanned the entire length of the starbase.

 _Too close..._

"Cain the front-"

"Just get me there."

I sent us speeding along one edge - he took out targets while sparring allies. It wasn't so much that they were formidable; simply they were too many. You could punch a hole in one spot just for it fill up behind you. Five targets down were replaced by ten.

 _This is endless.._

Brake, pause, push and twist -

 **"CC to all ships:"**

Our friends were starting to fall around us like flies.

 **"Anti-matter cannons ready in ten minutes."**

I faltered.

 _Are they going to tell us to stay out-_

"Abel!"

A blink; I jerked the starfighter around. Our enemy shattered and we careened through the debris. My heart was beating frantically in my throat.

"Where the fuck is your head?!" he barked angrily.

Half of the navigation hub was swirling in darkness, and at first I couldn't tell what it was..

I shifted.

Fire scorched through my neck.

It was like a bomb had gone off inside my skull

I gasped and fell forward.

 _ **[ WARNING ]**_

I could feel the ship; we were hurling through space without a direction.

 _ **[ SYSTEM OVERLOAD ]**_

 _No come on you have to do this-_

 **"This is CC to Lieutenant Abel - reduce your speed!"**

I drug my nails against the smooth orb and forced myself back. A scream of something shook my chair, and I realized that it was me. He barked something else, but I can't really remember what it was...

 **"Lieutenant?"**

"Lieutenant Abel to CC situation is under control." - I couldn't feel my chest - "Reengaging the enemy what's the status of the anti-matter artillery..?"

"Ab-" his protest died out as I gave him targets to play with.

 _Don't think about me, just fight._

 **"Five minutes out and counting."**

"Thank you, CC."

My arms were jumping against my control. All the muscles in my body were straining, trying to rid my nerves of this reoccurring-horror. A sob left my lungs with every exhale, and I just could not help it.

The enemy was steadily closing the gap to the starbase.

 _This is all I can give.._

"Cain..."

It hurt to hear myself like that; weak, powerless, falling apart and making him listen to it.

"...ship... to.."

Nothing filtering through my ears was making any sense.

"Turn... ..around...!"

That's when we smashed head-first into an enemy ship.


	10. This

_I smooth back the skin of his cheek, cool against my knuckles._

 _His face still looks flushed, and my eyes narrow, grinning. Last night had sure been something. He's never gone off that wild before - never gotten him to come so many times - never had him beg and scream so loud the whole starbase probably heard him._

 _Not that I mind. It's my name. Now they all know who owns this tight little ass._

 _And damn, if he doesn't want to be owned. I could tell it the second I first saw him; he wants to be slammed into submission and made to bleed. The only thing I hadn't picked up on, was that it's his own mind - and not some fetish stolen from another bed - that's made him this way._

 _Which is sexy as hell._

 _Bastard has the sluttiest imagination I could have asked for._

 _God... I shift up, leaning over his body. My pride swells - he's fucking covered in hickeys, ears to feet. It's satisfyingly beautiful, frankly, to see all that pale naked velvet stained black and blue by my mouth._

 _He's mine, mine, mine._

 _I'm inspecting a dark welt on his chest with my tongue, when I feel him stir and tense. Lifting my head slightly, I watch him stare. He does this every time he wakes up; it's like he's waiting for a dream to end - sort of confused, and wary, with sleep still clouding his vision._

 _But, then he blinks, and sags, and reaches out to just barely touch my hair. As if he's afraid I might run away or something. There's a smile on his lips, though - small and real - and that's enough to make the rest not matter._

 _"Cain..." Oh, fuck, that's hot-_

 _Ow, he's pulling on my bangs pretty hard, the naughty bitch.._

 _...wait, why does he look... scared? Abel? The hell's wrong?_

 _"Cain... ..Cain..!"_

 _Stop squirming around- god damn my scalp is on fire- Abel snap out of it why are you cryi-!_

 _"Cain...! Wake up, Cain..!"_

 _'Wake up'..?_

 _"Please, Cain!"_

"CAIN!"

My eyes rolled open. Everything was spinning. I couldn't breathe right.

And holy shit did I hurt all fucking over.

Especially my skull and my throat.

Over the gargle of warning bells, I could hear wailing.

"Cain if you don't fucking wake up this fucking second god so fucking help me when I get out of this fucking chair I'm going to fucking fuck your sorry ass...!"

 _Has he **ever** cussed me out like that?_

It probably would have turned me on if I hadn't been swimming in an abyss of pain.

"A-"

Dear _Christ_ , like swallowing glass...

I coughed, groaned, and wheezed; "Abel, shut up, I'm fine.."

"Cain!"

 _What in-..._

 _"Get the ship back to base!"_

 _"Turn the fuck around, Abel-!"_

 _Flash._

 _Crash._

 _Lights out._

 _We hit that ship.._

I realized that I was slumped over - way over, lying across the dashboard. My arms shook as I slowly pushed myself up, and I could taste blood flowing between my teeth. Something wet was running down into my suit.

I glanced down.

A shoulder strap from the safety harness dangled uselessly over my arm. Piece of shit had snapped in half. I was also no longer wearing my helmet.

For good reason, I guess, seeing how my forehead must have been what'd shattered my display screen.

My fingers stumbled a path towards my neck.

Sour stones rolled through my gut. Under my chin, it was cut open and gaping. I gripped the handles of the gun turret tightly.

 _I should have been paying attention to what was in front of us-_

"Cain?" - fear was thick in his voice - "Cain, what is it?"

 **"CC ... tenant ... .. st..."**

"Are you alright?"

 **"... anti .. ...on .."**

Surprise colored it. "I.. ...I'm okay-" He sucked in a sharp breath.

"Is it your back?" I murmured. I wasn't exactly trying too hard to talk louder.

 _Any louder and he'll hear how fucked up my throat is..._

"L-little... ..Cain what is it, y-you sound-"

"How's the ship?"

"...w.. we're at- nnh... f-fifty-two percent.."

I closed my eyes. _Damn it._

Burst thrusters were almost out completely of the question. Hell we were lucky to even be alive. I didn't know where we were; I doubted it was out of the way of the starbase's anti-matter cannon, and not being able to tell the countdown had my pulse in a buzz.

I felt stupid.

This wasn't how I wanted to go down - floating dead in the water, torn up and about to be eradicated by our own base.

 **".. to ... .. thi ..."**

 _And, god, Abel.._

At that moment, I really did feel like I'd failed him.

"...Cain.."

..His...

Tone..

...propelled me to open my eyes, and turn slightly towards his side of the ship.

"The nav... h-hub is stuck... I can't m-move it.."

 _Oh well that's fucking grea-_

"Cain..."

Again, his tone... it somehow put everything - all of this - into perspective. Almost like, he and I weren't sitting in here, waiting for it to end. He sounded light-years away; he sounded defeated, but peaceful.

He sounded alone.

 **"We.. ...en.."**

"Back.. when we w-were in the.. the war and I..."

 **".. in .."**

"...I got hurt... ..I-I wanted to t-.. to tell you s-something.."

 **"... t."**

There was an anxious silence.

 **".. eve .."**

"Tell me what?" I ventured, bordering morbid curiosity.

 **"Si..."**

 _What are your last words going to be?_

 **".. ive."**

 _What are mine going to be?_

 **"Four."**

 _...tell me what, Abel?_

 **"... re .."**

"...I love you."

 **"Tw .."**

"..."

 **".. ne!"**

 _Fuck no wait stop!_

"ABEL!"

"Cain..!"

...

 _...huh?_


	11. Freedom

_...huh?_

 **"...enem.. retreat... ..pull ba..!"**

 _What..._

 **"Lieut.. ...bel, come in!"**

"..mmn..."

 **"...tenant, can.. ...ear me?"**

"C... Can.."

 **"W... ..ending out res.. teams... ..hold..."**

"Hur.. rry..."

 _Something's... dripping.._

"Cai-ain..?"

"Bast'rds 're run.. runnin' off..."

 _Why does he still sound like that?_

I was numb by then. Forcing off my harness, I rolled out of my chair to the floor. A spike of blackness blindsided me.

"Bunch... a' pussies.."

I pulled myself through the small gap to his side of the ship.

He was leaning against the window of the cockpit, head slouched forward. I strained to reach for him - my twitching hand gripped his knee - and he turned just slightly to look at me. Our sights locked.

Crimson hit with a dull thud against the black of his suit.

Somehow, my world had managed to stay intact - until just that moment.

It started to crumble.

I could see muscle and tendon, and the barest edge of his jugular - barely saved - thrumming hard and glistening wet. Bile turned my stomach to rot.

Drip.

Suddenly, the ship lurched, and I doubled over into his lap.

 **"This is Rescu... ..CC, Lieutenant Abel.. ... ...ured. Returni... ...base."**

A sticky hand stroked through my hair.

I heard him feel what he didn't say.

And I fell asleep.

But I didn't just sleep.

 _I dream._

 _I dream that he reaches into my soul with his eyes._

 _Everything that's ever been kept secret comes tumbling out._

 _I'm useless when he takes me._

 _My nails sink their fangs into his skin._

 _There's a sob clenched in my lungs at the pain._

 _A laugh soars though my belly from the pleasure._

 _Tenderly, he seals a kiss to the hollow of my throat._

 _We breathe._

 _This stranger - this monster - this savior - this angel - this amazing creature breaks me open._

 _I call his name like a prayer._

 _His lips sigh mine against my ear._

 _Without even realizing it, I've given my all to him._

 _It terrifies - exhilarates - amuses - releases me._

 _I've found my freedom._

 _This is my nirvana._

 _My sweet sickness is now a cure._

 _A drug I will always crave._

 _I never want this to end..._

 _But now there's blood._

 _And it comes from him._

 _I'm tearing into his shoulders and it pours like rain down his arms._

 _Drips into the curve of his collarbone._

 _Pools as a red buttercup held to his chin._

 _I hear myself screaming now._

 _You can't leave me you said you would but you can't._

 _The heart in my chest will continue beating..._

 _"There's more than one way to kill someone."_

 _"Abel."_

I woke up.

The quiet in the room was one I'd become well familiar with. No voices, but ticking equipment and light-beeping monitors hummed in the background. I was once again in the medical dorm.

There was no surprise this time.

Justin strode in. Meeting my gaze, he paused, then became soft with a gentle smile. "Well, good morning," he murmured, halting at my side.

I returned his simper;

"Good morning."

Pulling a chair close, he sat down. "We didn't expect you to be fully conscious so soon. Do you remember what happened?"

"For the most part," I replied, uneasy, drawn to peer at the door. "H-How... how long have I..?"

He chuckled, and I relaxed. "Three days, and not consistently. You would respond to people entering the room, and even answer 'yes' or 'no' if spoken to. I believe your mind was doing its damnedest to get you to open your eyes."

I gave a nod..

In all seriousness, I didn't care how or why I was alive. I didn't care about how we'd apparently won, drove off our attackers, and done the impossible. I figured I'd find out soon enough - and to anyone listening, you probably don't care how or why right now, either.

The same question as before was lit up neon-bright inside my brain.

 _"No, not for a while now."_

But the answer had different potential. There were no gray areas that it could stew in; no other criteria it had to meet - besides the two. Black, or white.

Yes, or no.

Good, or gone.

...And then, it occurred to me.

 _"..It's the survival."_

Beneath the sheets, my shaking hands stilled.

 _"To be alive, to experience both pain and pleasure."_

My thoughts cleared.

 _I remember when you said that._

"Justin."

 _I understand._

He blinked up from the chart in his hands. "Yes, Abel?"

 _For better or worse..._

"Have you seen Cain?"

 _...just **live**._

His smile grew.

"He's waiting outside."


	12. Epilogue

"...Cain, where did my underwear go?"

"Hm?"

"Where is my underwear?"

"Why the hell should I know?"

"Cain."

"What."

"I am not wearing a thong."

"Guess you'll have to go commando, princess."

"I am _not_ going commando into this meeting, Cain."

"Then wear what's in your drawer."

"Cain!"

"Christ, you're a whiny bitch today..."

"Please just give me back my underwear-"

I tugged his arm, splaying him against my chest. I grinned as his face flushed red with a scowl. His ass was a perfect fit in my hands.

"How about you give me something first."

He let out a delightful gasp when my fingers dug between his cheeks. "C-Cain w-w-we already did it last night and I really need to-"

"Oh suck it up, you pussy," I purred along his ear, giving it a wet lick.

I was hit it the head with a shoe.

"Stop molesting Lieutenant Abel, Cain."

"Goddamn it, Judas!"

"Here, Lieutenant. I saw them under the bed."

"Th-Thank you, Judas."

"Fucking little prick... Why are you even here?"

"I'm here to escort Lieutenant Abel to the meeting." - he grabbed Abel's arm with a smile and I twitched - "Because I knew you'd make him late again."

"Judas.. the commanders... they don't-"

"Don't worry about it, Lieutenant. I don't want to see you get in 'trouble'. Besides, it's all the lecher's fault."

"Hmph," I smirked. "You just want me to yourse-"

"As if," he drawled. The little bastard had the nerve to flip me off.

"You-!"

 _HELLO._

Slim fingers had me between the legs. Would have been nice if it didn't feel like he wanted to rip it off. I bit back a curse.

"Cain. Behave." He squeezed.

"Tch..!"

"I really don't know how you live with him all over you, Lieutenant."

I rubbed at my sore pride as Abel got up and dressed, rolling my eyes. "Says the brat who couldn't stop flirting with me."

"I was _not_ flirting with you!" he sputtered. "I was just.. I was just being nice!"

"Ignore him, Judas."

Glancing, I watched Abel go to the door. He picked up his _other_ cane as Judas stood next to him, looking between us. It got quiet for a second.

Sliding out his hip, smirking like a fox, and cocking his head, he cooed;

"He just can't help himself."

I stared at him.

The door hissed shut.

Groaning, I fell back against the bed.

"I'm so pounding you into the floor when you get back, you little cock-tease."

 _But that's what I love about you._


End file.
